Pleasant undulations. Pleasant undulations between my legs. Crisp air and greenery overhead, high-fiving its arboreal friends from the other side of the crimson dust road. I didn’t expect it to be pleasant. I had seen it on TV,…
Tip #28: So Help Me God, I Will Roar
God really broke the mold when he made humans, according to the Abrahamic faiths. It goes a little something like this: Let Us make man in Our image, after Our likeness, and let them have dominion overrrr…damn, I can barely…
Tip #25: Holding onto Your Butt (or Kissing it Goodbye)
In my imagination, it happened like a movie. A sunny, summer day near some golden wheatfields in the middle of the Czech Republic. Grasshoppers making that characteristic, dry, whittling sound, like someone was holding a knife at…
Tip #19: When Law & Order SVU Comes In Handy
When considering a trip, it is not uncommon for your mind to jump directly to the most horrible, awful, depraved possibilities that await you in the unknown. The pre-trip thought process often ventures into the realm of what can only…
Tip #6: Most People Don’t Want to Harvest Your Kidneys
Nothing compares to those thankfully sparse moments in life when you are utterly screwed. I’m not talking about the anxiety that burns all over like shingles when you see a Highway Patrolman with a speed gun and you’ve had a…
Tip #4: Liquid Courage, the Best Anxiety Med
There were no hostels in Crimea. OK, to be fair, the hostel craze has, by now, reached that rocky diamond-shaped tumor hanging by a thread from Ukraine, but there was only ONE in 2008. And to call it…