You have just received a fair bit of money and it’s time to leave ‘Merica’s borders. If your first thought jumps to idyllic scenes of tropical beaches and all-inclusive resorts, just GTFO this site. Or stay, because my goal is to make sure you avoid such places like Magic Johnson has avoided full-blown AIDS.
Too many people are too scared to take the plunge, and this results in the average response to the question, “How was your trip?”…..”Good. Relaxing.” When I get back from a trip, my answer is, “Almost got kidnapped. Slept in a doorway a couple nights. The usual.” That’s what I’m fuckin’ talkin’ about.
I’m not saying look for trouble. I once heard of a British guy in Greece who had spent his extremely short 5 day trip jumping fences to photograph the Ukrainian navy (a sure way to end up on trial for espionage). He told me all this while lobbing grapes at circles of young Greek soccer hooligans massing in a plaza. Suffice it to say, he sorely deserved an ass-whooping and was prone to idiocy. I don’t want you to die or go to prison: that would severely cut down the time you have to travel.
Life as a whole is humdrum. EVERYONE has been to the Bahamas/Aruba/Virgin Islands/fake Mexico (Cancun/Acapulco)/insert name of other non-descript island nation in the general vicinity of the Caribbean. EVERYONE has met shit-tons of Americans on this trip. Do you want to be EVERYONE?
There is something about seeing the world beyond just seeing it. You will meet fascinating, hilarious, introspective, beautiful people (which are the basis of this blog). You will marvel at the adult you have become after navigating bus systems through towns of 1,500 people in the middle of nowhere using maps and schedules written in an alphabet that you can barely decipher. A far cry from the fattened piglet, First World, silver spoon-mouthed child that jumped on the plane at the beginning. Your skills at figuring shit out in tough situations will increase your viability as a romantic partner and gene swapper when it comes time for you to procreate. That and you’ll have some kick-ass stories to suck this life partner in when you are introduced. Kinda like war stories without all the dying.
Pack your shit up, keep an open mind, and head out there. That’s what I want these stories to motivate you to do. Keep reading and we’ll have you in a dusty building somewhere that isn’t indicated on a map, waiting for a bus that comes in four hours, dehydrated and pounding as many diarrhea meds as you can. Hopefully you listened to me and packed the wet wipes.
Your typical bathroom abroad. Have at it, brother.